The Mother of All Mothers

“If my husband doesn’t take the kids to get me something nice this year for Mother’s Day, I’m going on strike!”

“No one appreciates everything that I do around here.”

OUCH.

Celebrating Motherhood on Mother’s Day brought up a lot of icky thoughts for my clients.  Several of my clients and friends emailed me and posted on Facebook that they were having a hard time with Mother’s Day. They were so irritated that they just wanted to be left alone.

Mothering as defined by Webster’s Dictionary:  “The nurturing and raising of a child or children by a mother.”

Interesting.

Notice that this definition does not include always doing the laundry all by yourself, waiting on your children and partner like a short-order cook, putting all of your interests on the back burner, no time for exercise, or wearing mom jeans. (Seriously, do something about that.)

I cannot tell you how much mental energy I’ve wasted in the past creating some pretty stiff criteria for my family and friends to follow so that I could be happy.  My mood was dependent on how well they followed my “life manual.” 

• It will be a great holiday if they buy me the “right” gift
• Dinner will be fun if the kids behave
• He should tell me that I look nice
• I’ll do them a favor but they better reciprocate

Exhausting.

Something shifted for me some time ago (i.e., my thoughts) when I realized that if I kept waiting for other people to behave the way that I wanted before I could be happy, I was setting myself up for chronic cranky pants days.

So in response to my clients, I emailed them back, “Mother yourself.”  I really mean this. Don’t wait for kids and partners and husbands and sisters to tell you that you are a great mom in order to feel good.  Give yourself a high five and think of ways to nurture yourself.

Where are you on your priority list?

What can you do for yourself that is fun this week?

When was the last time you went out with friends?

What can you eliminate from your to-do list?

Who can help you with chores and errands?

Are you good company for yourself?

This is exactly how I changed my mind, the way that I treat myself, and my need for other people and external sources to give me joy.  I went ahead and gave it to myself, and what they offered was the cherry on top….not the entire sundae. 

Self love. The mother of all mothers.

Comments

[Monica Warren Shakun]

Thank you for your blog. I spent about an hour of my Mother's Day in tears. I was just so tired that all I could do was cry. It was a wake up call that I needed a day to just take care of me. I think that I am going to schedule a "Me Day" once a month on my calendar. Thank you for reminding us that we can't take care of others until we learn to take care of ourselves.

[Susan Hyatt]

Thanks for sharing Monica! You are well on your way to mothering yourself. XOXO